What’s Wrong With Good Enough?

It’s nothing new, but now it feels like it’s everywhere. What is, Kelly, I hear you cry?

The idea of constant self-improvement.

Can we just calm down a bit and learn to be happy with good enough?

I am getting pretty sick of the constant suggestions that I should be trying harder, making more effort and generally becoming a better version of myself. It’s exhausting!

I should look better. Exercise more. Eat better. Put more time and energy into my relationship with my husband. Be more present with my children. Grow my business. Support my wider family. Make more time for my friends. Read more. Learn more. Experience more. Keep up with current affairs. Understand politics. Look after my physical health, my mental health and my financial future.

Oh, and presumably drink two litres of water while I’m doing it, all with a big fat smile on my face because I don’t want to hear, “Smile, love, it might never happen.”

GIVE ME A BREAK.

When did everything become something to improve?

None of these things are bad, with the exception of “look better” which I’m quite happy to opt out of, of all the things that matter in this world that really shouldn’t be one. I want to be a good parent, wife, friend and family member. I want to run a successful business and work with kind people striving to make a difference. I want to learn things, have new experiences, look after myself and understand what’s happening in the world around me.

But when did we decide that every part of our lives needed to be continuously worked on? It feels like we’ve moved beyond wanting to improve something because we’re unhappy with it, or because it matters to us, into a world where standing still is somehow seen as failure.

There’s always another level. If your business is doing well, you should be thinking about growth. If you exercise, you could be exercising more effectively or more frequently. If you spend time with your children, are you really present, are you ensuring they have every single need met and are constantly entertained- or are we meant to let them experience boredom now? If your relationship is happy, how are you ensuring it stays that way? And if you’ve got a hobby, have you considered turning it into a side hustle? God forbid we just do something because we enjoy it.

The more I think about all of this, the more I wonder: who actually decided this was the goal?

Who benefits from us never feeling quite finished?

Most of the people I genuinely care about aren't demanding constant improvement from me. If anything, they’re the ones telling me to slow down, take note of how much I’ve achieved and be in the moment rather than constantly “living through time” whilst they are experiencing similar pressures to keep up and I am giving them the same advice.

A lot of the pressure seems to come from much further away, and there is an enormous industry that relies on us believing there is a gap between who we are now and who we could be. Luckily, somebody usually has something to sell us to close it. You only have to look at the ‘women’s health’ market to see this, do I really need to be spending hundreds of pounds on supplements every month to have glossy hair, reduce my wrinkles, be more alert?

Books, courses, coaching, apps, podcasts, planners, supplements, injections, lotions, potions, training, productivity systems, parenting techniques, relationship advice, business programmes, life hacks. Even self-care has somehow become another thing we can fail at.

There is always something else we could buy, learn, change or optimise, which makes me wonder what happens if we actually reach the destination. What happens if we say: actually, I'm alright?

Self-employment has made me notice it even more

I've noticed this particularly since becoming self-employed because there is literally no end point. I could always have more clients, earn more money, get more LinkedIn followers, post more frequently, write more blogs, attend more networking events, take another course, diversify, improve my website, build a mailing list or develop my personal brand.

Nobody is ever going to appear with a clipboard and announce, “Congratulations Kelly. Your business is now sufficiently successful. You may stop.”

And I don't want to stop, because I love what I'm building, but I also don't want to spend the next however-many years chasing a version of success that keeps moving further away every time I get close to it. At some point, I need to decide what enough looks like for me.

When I first left my job and decided to give self employment a go I attended a course about getting started in business and we did some blue sky thinking of how far we can take our new ventures, the lady I was sitting next to took this as her cue to leave and said “I just want to create something meaningful that brings in an income I can manage on, I have no desire to go global.” I wish I had her gusto as I felt the same but for me the blue sky thinking exercise helped me actualise what success looks like for me and it isn’t dramatic and award winning its steady, attainable and supports my lifestyle.

Good enough isn't the same as giving up

I think this is where “good enough” gets a bad reputation because we associate it with settling, lacking ambition or doing the bare minimum. I’m realising there's a pretty significant difference between settling for something that makes you unhappy and recognising that something doesn't actually need fixing.

I can want to grow my business without needing it to become as big as possible. I can want to be a good parent while accepting that sometimes my children will have too much screen time. I can care about my friends deeply without being constantly available, and I can care about what's happening in the world without having a fully formed opinion on absolutely everything that happens in it- the pressure to keep up is exhausting!

I can also look after myself without treating myself as a never-ending renovation project.

Good enough isn't about lowering our standards, it's about deciding which standards were ours in the first place.

My mini hibernation

So I'm going into a mini hibernation. Unfortunately not literally, because how nice would that be? Apparently children, clients and mortgages remain stubbornly active throughout the winter months.

Instead, I want to be more proactive about shutting out some of the external narrators. That might mean unfollowing social media accounts that regularly leave me feeling like I need to do more, unsubscribing from email lists that manufacture problems I didn't realise I had and being more selective about the advice I consume.

I also want to start asking myself a few more questions before automatically adding something else to the list or shopping basket. Do I actually want this? Is something genuinely not working, or have I just been told there is a better way? What am I prepared to give up to make room for this? And perhaps most importantly, what does enough look like for me?

Because I don't want to stop learning, growing or changing, and this isn't about dismissing the people and businesses that help us make changes we genuinely want to make. There is a big difference between seeking support because I want something to change and being continually persuaded that something about me needs improving.

I just want to make sure I'm doing these things because they matter to me, not because I've absorbed the idea that the person I am today is perpetually falling short of the person I could become.

There will always be something I could do better, I'm just not convinced that means I need to.

Maybe its okay to be good enough.